Live Blogging the People's Choice Awards

The People's Choice Awards -- Jan. 6

One of the worst awards shows--not because it's voted by the people--but because all the winners already know they've won and those are usually the only people who show up...maybe live blogging it will spice things up! It's show time!

9:00 p.m. The awards begin with some very slow music...hmmm...Queen Latifah looks great in a black gown, but wait! Is she singing that song from Les Miserables that Susan Boyle made us listen to over and over again this summer while Simon Cowell looked astonished??

9:01 Never mind, she changed the lyrics about dreaming a dream to "dreaming to host the People's Choice Awards" and Steve Carell being in his underwear. Does she not remember this is the third (I think) year in a row she's hosted them?

Oooh it's a medley of songs. Now, Latifah is joking that people wanted Hugh Jackman to host this show too...he's laughing at that for way too long. Surely he doesn't want this gig.

9:02 Does Chevy Chase look drunk, and did Latifah just skat?

9:03 Ellen DeGeneres was just announced the winner of Favorite Host without other nominees? This seems fishy. At least she's sharing the award with Oprah whose show "was cancelled." Oh, Ellen...But why she calls out Sandra Bullock's 11th toe is beyond me...is she drinking whatever Chevy Chase  just downed?

9:05 Ellen turns presenter for Favorite Comedy Movie...who voted for 17 Again?? I want your name and phone number. 17 Again didn't win, but how was it nominated? The Proposal won, and thank goodness Bullock and Ryan Reynolds were right there to accept...who are these other people on stage?

9:07 Bullock and Reynolds had a dance prepared if they won...however, no one played music for them? They just handed it over to director Anne Fletcher and she kind of awkwardly dances and it's uncomfortable.

9:08 Tim Gunn and the one-Pussycat-Doll-anyone-recognizes are explaining some special sneak peeks of 2010 that will be shown through the broadcast. Starting with Ridley Scott's Robin Hood, which just looks like Gladiator with bows and arrows to me. Russell Crowe hasn't even aged! If Bryan Adams does not have a love ballad, I'm not watching...

9:11 One of the worst promos ever: "What do Johnny Depp, Taylor Lautner, Hugh Jackman, Keith Urban, George Lopez, Carrie Underwood, Sacha Baron Cohen, Hugh Laurie, Taylor Swift and Jessica Alba all have in common? They're here at the People's Choice Awards." Really??

9:14 Paranormal Activity parody with Queen Latifah is pretty funny. What if Paranormal Activity was really about making a sex tape with Cloris Leachman? Probably scarier than the original...Props to the real stars for appearing.

9:16 Rascal Flatts is introducing the kind of music that has "never stopped belonging." R&B. Their R&B band name would be "Boys to Rascalls." No one in the entire auditorium laughs. Who writes this crap?

9:18 Mariah Carey wins Favorite R&B Artist...Nick Cannon has to help the possibly drunk and tightly dressed Mariah up the stairs and then stands behind her. "My real friends know that they're my extended family..." slur, slur...she just called her dress a "drama" and said "I didn't mean to do this," and now she's talking about Nick and things "she shouldn't talk about." These people are TOLD AHEAD OF TIME that they won...why are the acceptance speeches so nuts??

9:21 Private Practice's Kate Walsh almost busted her ass coming down a ramp apparently, though I didn't see it. She presents Steve Carell with the Favorite TV Comedy Actor award. Everyone screamed extra for Charlie Sheen--he can't hear you in jail, crazies!

9:22 Surely Carell will have a good speech...He's having the audience repeat "That's what she said..." after his lame jokes about his "big" award...Carell has let me down, but at least he was prepared. He had to have been working on that bit for weeks.

9:24 The Spanish lady from Modern Family is really Spanish and likes to hit people, FYI. She's presenting Favorite TV Comedy Actress with James Denton. These presenter skits suck so much.

9:25 Tina Fey's nominee clip from 30 Rock is the funniest thing of this show so far. *Fingers crossed for Tina*

Alyson Hannigan?? I should have known she was going to win since she was in attendance...damn. I like How I Met Your Mother but was definitely pulling for Tina. And when Alyson thanks her husband, I have to snap back into reality that she's not the lesbian from Buffy...

9:27 20th season of Survivor preview with Jeff Probst!! 10 Heroes vs. 10 Villains. Gotta admit, this is good marketing. Revealing cast....NOW! Rupert! Russell! Colby! Gravedigger who opened bottles with his teeth! Parvarti! Dragon Slayer! Jerri! AHH!!! Go Survivor! I was so excited, I missed the lame promo for "after the commercial."

9:31 Hmm...watching the Grammy commercial, was Kanye West's outburst on Taylor Swift revenge for Vince Gill's knock on West last year? "I just got an award given to me by a Beatle. Have you had that happen yet, Kanye?" He laughed, but what if he's been seething and waiting for his moment, and the VMAs just presented the perfect opportunity?

9:32 Jenna Elfman + Chevy Chase...best presenter duo so far. They star in comedy shows and are presenting for Favorite TV Comedy and realize the injustice, so they split the award...literally.

9:34 Wow, The Big Bang Theory has a cultish following that most have voted a ton. That show freaks me out, actually. Did they really just put up the show's official Myspace page link?? Do people use those anymore?

9:35 They almost cut the cast off, but then Jim Parsons talked and they let him finish...he is his character to a T, it seems.

9:36 Did Christan Slater just introduce "Mary J. BliZe"? I might have heard it wrong. Or maybe he said it on purpose to rhyme with "eyes" like how she punched her boyfriend in the "eyes?" Never mind...that YouTube video couldn't even really prove anything. But weird her song says, "Ain't nobody gonna treat you better/Ain't nobody gonna touch you better." Hmm..

9:45 Who are these people presenting a country award? One is Katie Cassidy from the new Melrose Place and the other is...I don't know. Kellen something? She is the highlight of that show but looks too shiny here.

9:46 Favorite Country Artist - Carrie Underwood. She hugs Keith Urban next to Nicole Kidman and then almost falls coming up the stage, but that shows "how excited she is." Her words. Not mine. Her speech was cute and seemed sincere. She gets a pass.

9:47 Paula Patton from Precious is pretty funny, given the horrific drivel they make everyone say. She presents Hugh Laurie with the Favorite Dramatic TV Actor award.

9:48 Right after she announces it, the annoying People's Choice Award voice also congratulates him, in case we missed it. Why is the whole cast coming on stage?? It's for Best Actor not Best Show! Are they confused? OK. He's dedicating the award to them? No! This is all staged, and they already knew they won Best Drama too, so they did a two-for-one presentation...this blows. Hugh kind of saves this with his own wit and charm, but Hugh Jackman, for one, looks very confused by what's happening.

9:51 No, Will i Am!! He just called Liam Neeson, Liam Nielsen when introducing the Clash of the Titans clip. I KNOW I heard that one. Do these people not practice at all? And they get super-nice gift baskets?? Clash of the Titans looks pretty entertaining though Huge dragons and stuff.

9:53 People's Choice Award Lady just promised us a Sandra Bullock, Drew Barrymore and Kristen Stewart catfight...I'm gonna hold her to that.

9:56 Latifah is back. I forgot we had a host. She jokes with Taylor Lautner about his constant lack of clothing...then makes Nicole Kidman, Taylor Lautner and Keith Urban take a picture with her...

9:57 Taylor Lautner is George Lopez's screensaver?? Ha! Lautner looks like he regrets attending this event right now.

9:58 Aw, George Lopez is not very funny but does make a jab at Tiger Woods' infidelities...

10:00 Lopez announces the winner of Favorite Comedic Film Actress with "You thought she couldn't top her work in Speed 2..." I love Sandra Bullock, but he's right. That movie sucked. It's okay though because they are super BFF in real life after she produced his TV show and made him who he is. Love her speech. You cry and laugh all in one! Makes up for the awkward one for Proposal.

10:02 Fellow Karate Kid (Redux with Will Smith's son) co-stars here. Don't ask Jackie Chan to lift his shirt, Taraji P. Hensen! Just introduce Favorite Action Actor!

10:03 From the nominees, with Hugh Jackman being the only one present, I predict he will win for Wolverine. OMG! I was right...

10:04 Jackman jokes about running for Gov. of California...hmm...then, he ruins the thought by doing a weird chant with someone in the audience and calling it an "action star thing." What. Is. Going. On.

10:09 Parody with Latifah time! This one's New Moon. I am a Twilight fan, but these movies are so easy to make fun of! Robert Pattinson's brooding looks mixed with Latifah's lines is great.

10:11 Inglorious Basterds just won Favorite Movie without other nominees again. Diane Kruger just accepted in France, and now they are presenting Favorite Breakout Movie Actor.

10:13 What a surprise...Taylor Lautner wins. And they show random fan girls in the audience. Oooh, and a quick pan to ex Taylor Swift who politely stands up and claps for her ex beau with her mom. She didn't look angry. Maybe no songs about "hairy, crappy werewolves" will be coming out anytime soon. Possible lyric: "You might be a werewolf, but you sure suck a lot like those vampires.."

10:15 Behind the scenes of glamming up the Miss People's Choice girl. "You've seen her all night..." Actually, I haven't noticed her at all. Oh no! A cliffhanger makeover segment?

10:16 It's official. This can't be for real...People's Choice Announcer Lady just said "Up next, it's a John Mayer vs. John Mraz vs. Keith Urban showdown in the battle for Male Artist." Uh...you mean JASON Mraz??

10:19 Phew, glad they're finishing the Miss People's Choice makeover exclusively from CVS!

10:21 Hmm... a desert island is kinda like Utah. Lost and Big Love unite to present!

10:22 Congrats, Keith Urban! Lucky you had that convenient seat on the front row "just in case" you won. Can they not even pretend they don't tell people in advance?? Keith doesn't care if we all download his music illegally and give it to friends!! And he loves a random man in the audience! Good speech!

10:23 Colbie Collait and Demi Lovato are not at all the same height. At all. Either Colbie is a giant or Demi is a "very short person." Isn't that Producing an Award Show 101.

10:24 Cobra Starship is falling for a "hot mess." Wait, Nicole from Pussycat Dolls is singing with them? Is Gossip Girl filming right now? Where's Leighton Meester? I never really understood why she was featured on this song anyway though.

10:32 Apparently, we can vote at peopleschoice.com for our favorite 3-D movie of 2009, and they will receive the People's Choice award at the "first-ever 3-D Movie Awards Show" in February. I don't get it.

10:33 New category: Favorite Web Celeb presented by Jessica Alba, who took a picture of the audience and promised to "tag" them all. I don't think she has a Twitter or anything, but I could be wrong. Actually, after that pitiful picture-taking performance, I don't think she owns a camera.

10:35 Ashton Kutcher wins. Which is rightly so. He's pretty much the King of Twitter, whatever that means. If Miley Cyrus had won for "deleting her Twitter and then rapping about it," that would have been quite the outrage. I still can't wait for the "I Love 2009" VH1 special when we look back at Kutcher's online celebration for beating CNN to 1 million Twitter followers. There have to be some good jokes there.

10:38 Favorite New TV Drama category has made this guy from Lost angry. I don't watch Lost, and I don't remember his name. The Cold Case lady is really excited that Vampire Diaries won because she used to work with the cast or crew or something. "And now, they're all in Georgia working with the vampires..." but she should have said "freezing their asses off."

10:39 Favorite New TV Comedy goes to Glee, and the entire cast is in attendance. Except for Sue Sylvester and Mr. Schuester. :( Glee bought the entire audience pizza?? They're giving it to random people in the audience! Pretty good acceptance! Wait, this is promoting stupid DiGiorno...People's Choice Lady ruined everything..

10:45 LL Cool J presents Favorite Female Artist to Taylor Swift. She beat out Beyonce again...uh-oh!

10:48 All is calm though and T.Swift just thanks her fans lots and lots.

10:50 Donate to Children's Safe Drinking Water! $10 provides a week's worth of water for 70 children?? That really is amazing.

10:54 Latifah just gave Sacha Baron Cohen the distinction of probably being the only one to have sat on Eminem's face. But isn't Mariah Carey there?? Oh, snap! ha...

10:55 Cohen is actually really subdued when presenting a missing Johnny Depp with Favorite Movie Actor, who he tells us has received more votes in the last 10 years than any other actor, so he just won Actor of the Decade too! Is he getting a little tribute and isn't even there?

10:56 He's there! He's there! Like how Cohen called him "Mr. Jonathan Depp." What his Johnny's deal with not ever sitting in the audience like normal award-getters? He always creeps out from backstage at these things. Oh well. I guess he's allowed.

10:58 Hmm... Johnny thanked all of us for "bestowing our treasures" on him. Not sure what that means and neither does Queen Latifah - that's the end of the show!